If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
