Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
