dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
