so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
someone owes me an orgasm
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just had sex on a roof
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
