Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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