I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
