I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize