there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
