I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
