Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
