She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
