K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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