i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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