I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
