After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
