Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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