State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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