addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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