we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
