it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
