Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
