A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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