just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
