We're like a lot better than the average bears
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
