I heard we made out
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize