new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When are your genitals available?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
