Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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