I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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