at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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