He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
