Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
