I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
