He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pants are for mortals
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
