oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
