He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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