Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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