oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
