There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
