Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
