If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
