so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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