I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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