Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
