Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
