They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
