we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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