I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
