I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
