My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize