my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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