dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
After tacos, we're chasing women.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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