I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
