If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
