a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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