HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
