Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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