I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
