i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
