he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
