I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
