There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
