you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
