My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
