And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
