you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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