i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
