i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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