you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
