explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
