The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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