I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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