chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am spending my child support on dildos
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
