I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
