I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i now understand why vodka
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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