just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
