OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
