I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
