i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
