I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
