Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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