saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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