Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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