first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
