So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
