Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
