I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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