I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
