you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize