How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
