the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
