fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She told me I should be a condom model.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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